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Dear Soggy Tourists: Fun is Still Out There

July 08, 2009 - An open letter to all Maine tourists:

We're so, so very sorry about this. When you booked that Maine vacation, you probably envisioned blueberry pies, sunbathing, lobster and lighthouses.

Little did you know those "quaint" lighthouses would end up being needed to cut through the fog and rain that has more than likely dampened your trip.

And for that, we'd like to apologize.

You may have envisioned exploring beautiful Baxter State Park.

Nope.

Or that golf trip, the front nine holes at Point Sebago, saving yourself for the full 18 at Samoset in Rockport.

Not so much.

For Red Sox fans, making the minor-league affiliate tour through New England with a stop at Hadlock Field for a Sea Dogs game.

OK, you get the point.

Mother Nature and the state are having a disagreement at the moment and the rest of us have to pay, to the tune of more than 8 inches of rain in Portland last month.

And that's terrible. But imagine how we feel! We live here!

So we truly are sorry about this, but all sales are final. No refunds. You'll understand, right? We need your cash so very much to keep things running. Wouldn't want to end up like California, would we?

So why not consider other Maine-based options before rebooking at the Bay of Fundy?

Instead of that hike up Bradbury Mountain, why not consider the Maine Beer Trail? Not only do you get to sample the best of Maine's own brews, but the trip doesn't require weather gear.

Looking for something for the kids? How about summer camp? Our camps offer a chance to help broker world peace and possibly contract swine flu.

And even on a cloudy day, who doesn't love a beach picnic? Just make sure not to pick one where the tide chart lists the chance for syringes as "high."

Also, did we mention that we have our own recent "Survivor" winner, who's more than happy to talk high school physics?

How about a culinary tour? We have world record-setting lobster rolls longer than a school bus, a whoopie pie festival and a topless coffee shop. (Or I should say we used to have a topless coffee shop. Someone burned it down. But it plans to rebuild bigger, stronger and more topless than ever.)

We are averaging a new restaurant almost every 3.7 days. And they win awards – just ask James Beard Award recipients Rob Evans of Hugo's and Sam Hayward of Fore Street.

If you're looking for action, we have zombies playing kickball (keep your distance), lobster boat races (sensing a theme here?) and the occasional drunk on a riding mower.

Did we mention we also have Celtics basketball? Or at least NBA D-league basketball. And it technically hasn't started yet.

But Maine is not short on entertainment. We have plenty of musical acts, including the Alive at Five series featuring local musicians outdoors in Monument Square in Portland.

One of the summer's biggest concerts is Wilco's visit on July 17 outside on the Maine State Pier.

We know this wasn't what you envisioned when you booked your precious days away in Vacationland.

But until the state gets federal stimulus money for a weather machine, this is the best we can offer you.

We hope you can see Maine for more than its beaches, camps and seafood. Did we also mention we're really nice (at least more friendly than New Hampshire)?

Just shoot for next year. Start planning those vacations and weddings early. Heck, we may even have boy-girl and boy-boy weddings then. (Check back this November.)

Think of us as Maine, "the way life should be, but sometimes isn't – but that's OK too."

JUSTIN ELLIS, Portland Press Herald, July 6, 2009


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