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Getting the Girlfriend on Board for Boating Plans

July 16, 2008 - Here's a question I hear often -- and one I occasionally see posted on Internet sailing forums: How can I get my wife/fiance/girlfriend to be more enthusiastic about sailing?

Not knowing the woman in question, it's hard to come up with a specific answer. But as a woman who has been sailing for 15 years -- sometimes in less than optimal conditions -- I have some ideas for guys who would like to inspire passion for boating in their significant others. Some of these might even work for those with reluctant partners of any gender or with children who might be fearful of new situations. Please keep in mind my only credentials here are 15 years of experience; I am neither a therapist nor a relationship expert.

When it comes to getting your significant other out on the boat, I have one rule that trumps all. It helps tremendously to pick the right person to start with -- one who shares your passion for the water, or more generally, the outdoors. While I had never set foot on a sailboat before meeting my husband, we shared a love for skiing, hiking, camping and other outdoor pursuits. His connections as crew on a racing sailboat got me into the sport, and after a few years, we had a boat of our own.

Another shared trait among most boating couples and families we know: the women are low-maintenance. While this works best if it's a natural characteristic, it can be learned, often through exposure to and commiseration with other low-maintenance women.

Women who spend lots of time on the water can become accustomed to feeling a little grungy once in a while, be it from exposure to sunscreen or salt spray, or lack of access to modern conveniences like hot running water. The perfect hairdo, long fingernails, designer clothing and high heels are either left ashore or reserved for the "trophy wife" on board a megayacht.

But if you're a guy whose gal is not naturally outdoorsy, or who prefers to be at least somewhat civilized, there's a lot you can go to help her be more comfortable on the boat.

A good first step: Pick your days for those first few outings. Nothing will turn someone off to boating more quickly than a nasty day with strong winds, confused seas, rain or thunderstorms. If you pick a nice day, there's a better chance you'll both have fun, and she'll be more likely to go out again.

Sailors should keep in mind that it might take a while for your mate to adjust to your boat's angle of heel. My husband will tell you that I used to squeak audibly whenever our boat heeled more than 15 degrees. His solution was to let me control the mainsheet and thus, the level of heel. My comfort zone gradually expanded, and today, the squeak doesn't come into play until there are gusts and a heel angle of at least 35 degrees. Each experience in less-than-perfect conditions reinforces the knowledge that the boat can take way more than we can.

Make sure she brings enough warm clothing. Even when it's in the 80s on shore, it can be cool and damp out on the water. Aside from being a health issue, mild hypothermia can suck the energy and fun out of someone in a hurry. Fleece and a windproof jacket are a must, even in the summer.

Most women -- and probably most people in general -- feel more comfortable if there is a designated bathroom facility on board. Your boat's head can be as simple as a Porta-Potti or a far more elaborate facility with hot water and a shower stall. Either one beats a bucket.

If something goes wrong, it's best to resist the temptation to yell or use foul language. If it's noisy from wind, luffing sails, or engine noise, raise your voice only to the extent necessary to be heard and understood.

Most importantly, encourage your significant other to learn about boating through classes offered by either the Coast Guard Auxiliary or the U.S. Sail and Power Squadron. Knowing a skill and having a job on board helps people feel useful. I took to navigation almost instantly, and now that is my chief function on board. For the sailors, there are programs specifically geared to women through organizations like Womanship (www.womanship.com) or locally, Women Under Sail (www.womenundersail.com). While some partners can learn from one another (my husband is an excellent, patient teacher), it's often more conducive to marital harmony to learn a skill through a neutral third party.

Who knows -- she may end up teaching you a few things!

By GAIL RICE July 13, 2008
Portland Press Herald


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