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A Few Tips for Lost Tourists

August 15, 2007 - Bridgton - I once thought I knew everything there was to know about getting lost. That was before I tried to find my way around western Maine. I've been driving around aimlessly for the last month, trying to find the turnpike so I can get back home to Boston.

The highways and byways (especially the byways) seem almost purposely designed to confuse tourists. Not that I accuse the good people of Maine of plotting such a thing. That being said, it sure is easy to get lost in these parts. Here are a few tips for those new to "Vacationland".

1 -- Never assume that you're in the right town. There's bound to be an East, West, South and North version of the town with his same name. Unfortunately, there are exceptions to this rule. Take Waterford, for example. There is a North Waterford, and East Waterford, and a South Waterford, but no West Waterford.

Consult a map before hitting the road. Take it from me, there's nothing more frustrating than driving around all day trying to find North Paris only to discover that it doesn't exist.

2 -- Never asked directions from that nice looking elderly couple out for a stroll. They are up for the weekend from Rhode Island and are just as lost as you are. They're walking because they forgot where they parked the car. Soon you'll wind up trying to help them. There is enough confusion in the world without adding more. Drive away from them as fast as you can before you get involved.

3 -- Forget all you learned in your high school Geography class. In Maine, Peru is north of Sweden, Poland is south of Mexico, and Naples is east of Denmark. Is that clear?

4 -- Learn to enjoy getting lost. This is the most important and useful tip of all. So what if you have been driving around in circles all day? That mountain, lake or stream will be just as beautiful as the first time you saw it an hour ago. The sooner you get used to going nowhere and everywhere, the sooner you can relax and enjoy yourself.

Hey, do any of you know how to get to the turnpike from here?

This commentary first appeared in the Bridgton News, August 9, 2007

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